I resent you for bringing out these feelings:
I was better off without them.
You have evicted me from myself;
banished me to a semi-autonomous region;
to a statelessness beclouded
by fear of regret.
December 4, 2012
Second Blush
November 21, 2012
Living Too Late
It is pointless to have reached this point:
this summit of finely seasoned staleness.
The callow negativism of youth matured to a dubious vintage,
with a voluptuous bouquet of regret
and a lingering aftertaste of self-disgust.
November 10, 2012
REGRETS
I don’t understand people
who claim that they have no regrets in life;
who insist, out of gratitude, pride or ignorance,
that they wouldn’t want to change a thing.
My life is a raging river of regret, flowing
into a sea of shame. There is very little
I wouldn’t do differently if given a second chance.
I always knew I’d end up feeling this way:
It was a setup. Regret was something
I worked towards, something I felt I had to earn.
And now, naturally, I regret that too.
November 5, 2012
In Honor of Election Day: Three Inertia Variations
FEELINGS
I may as well face the fact
That I am no longer capable
Of doing what I once believed
I was capable of doing.
Not that I had any reason to assume
That I was capable of it.
It was just a feeling that I had.
And now I have a different feeling.
ANOTHER DAY
Take some initiative…
Do something with your life:
I get up from the sofa,
Walk across to the table
And write these words
Down on a scrap of paper.
Then I return to the sofa and
Fall asleep.
A WEDNESDAY IN AUGUST
I ask little enough of myself,
And I cannot even accomplish that much.
I would rather sit here, obsessively undriven,
Doing as close to nothing as is humanly possible.
Entertaining, occasionally, a pang of grief
Or grievance. Fixing on a stray regret or a memory
Drifting like dust in sunlight, or
A shadow falling over a shadow.
October 30, 2012
No Pressure
For those of you whose goodwill hasn’t been exhausted:
Standard Hotel, West Hollywood. Tuesday, November 13th. Complimentary wine served between 7 and 8pm. Reading at 8pm.
September 28, 2012
Another Last Lamentation
Please join us in lamenting the publication of
ANTIEPITHALAMIA & Other Poems of Regret and Resentment
A new collection of poetry by John Tottenham
At historic Besant Lodge in the heart of Beachwood Canyon.
Saturday October 13th, 7.30pm
2560 Beachwood Drive, LA, CA 90068
A recitation will be delivered by the author.
Melancholic strains will be supplied by violinist Laena Geronimo.
Libations will be poured by Bitter Tears of Los Angeles.
This is John Tottenham’s second book: a sequence of mean-spirited love poems, and a meditation on the subjects of regret and resentment.
Books will be available for sale.
Absentees will be noted.
September 20, 2012
PLEASANTVILLE
The entire world will become one room
In one town. And nothing of interest lies beyond the city limits.
It’s all right, you didn’t want to go out anyway.
Other people and their breeding habits
No longer hold any fascination.
It was time to move beyond sensation, free
From the inconveniences of a world wide-open,
Into an idyllic dormancy,
Muddying temptation with connubiality.
– Antiepithalamia (Penny-Ante editions, 2012)
September 12, 2012
HAPPINESS AND BEAUTY
Beauty depresses me,
Knowing that it’s temporary.
Positivity requires too much energy.
And even if I were happy,
I wouldn’t admit it,
For that would be insulting
To those who are not ,
And those who pretend to be.
(Artillery, Sept 2012)
September 10, 2012
San Francisco. Sept 13th.
The Squat. 849 Haight street, San Francisco. Thursday, September 13, 2012, 7:30PM. Book Launch. In association with Penny-Ante editions.
Jarett Kobek and M Kitchell have written books: Come celebrate their release. Also, if you feel like it, bring money to buy their books. Also Elly Jonez, Lorian Long, and special guest, John Tottenham, who has also written a book.
John Tottenham 