October 17, 2019
A Legacy-Defining Moment
New Emptyscapes up at Alias Books now through whenever.
3163 Glendale Blvd, LA CA 90039
September 19, 2019
Safety In Numbness
There is safety in numbness,
in so denatured a locality, so far removed
from nature and history.
And I’m grateful, deeply grateful, to be stuck here,
sinking in geographical and cultural isolation,
seldom jolted out of numbness,
in this seductively deadening place –
both sanctuary and termination.
December 9, 2018
An Act of Great Treachery and Narcissism
Where egotism and self-loathing meet, where urgency merges with futility. Let me grace you with my absence…
November 15, 2018
Share the Selfishness
Available elsewhere, and from Amazon:
“In elegantly-wrought laments of self-loathing and mean-spirited love poems, the author finds that he has more to say on already exhausted subjects, and gives voice to the kind of thoughts most people prefer not to express but will nevertheless automatically relate to and be entertained by. Tottenham has staked out a singular terrain where egotism and self-loathing meet, where futility merges with urgency, and beauty is created out of bitterness. If nothing else, he furnishes proof that a poet maudit can still, if not thrive, at least survive, alive and unwell, in this benighted age.”
– from the introduction, by Louis Pipe
March 12, 2015
Imperfect Day
Outside, a sparrow sits on the telegraph wire,
a stray dog limps across the sidewalk.
And that is the extent of nature in these parts.
Silence drills through me, birdsong flickers in the air,
overlaid by the constant drone of traffic and tinnitus.
Urgency fades into futility, and once again I find myself
on the verge of giving up before I have even begun.
If I could see myself sitting here –
a lazy perfectionist sinking into the unseizable day –
barely engaged in the pretense of activity,
I don’t know whether I’d laugh or cry…
or remain numb.
April 22, 2014
The Indifferent Sublime
Immerse yourself in sorrow, rake over pain.
Let the novelty of feeling something
wash through you in purifying waves
again and again. But kindness is unnerving,
tenderness hurts, and empathy
can be an excruciating form of martyrdom.
At the end of the day – when all is unsaid
and undone – you’re better off numb.
January 25, 2013
Love Story
I cannot locate the source of the disturbance
that has blossomed between us.
It seems, possibly, real… untranslatable.
At best it can be mumbled incoherently,
requiring a different language:
one that you can only feel.
And a different form of currency,
in which I lack sufficient means.
Nevertheless, a situation has arisen
that demands my complete attention:
You persevered beyond the numbness,
even after your jaw cramped, to induce
a state of constant sickly anticipation
of something sweet: an impatience to wallow again
in a mutually tacit sense of wonder, to swoon
into a different kind of loneliness,
from which I restlessly await recovery
and the long snarled return to a serene apathy.
John Tottenham 