Posts tagged ‘Futility’

March 26, 2015

Drain in Vain

Ballast_NEW

An acute sensation of falling
for and into a black hole:
a soft focus abyss, otherwise known as bliss.
Or a train wreck, carrying hazardous waste,
something I can look forward to
looking back on with distaste.

Constantly fighting funny familiar feelings of futility,
trying to put the brakes on the morbidity,
but it keeps rolling down the line.
And as I watch it disappear,
life as I have long known it,
becomes all the more precious
and acutely defined.

March 12, 2015

Imperfect Day

Unseizable

Outside, a sparrow sits on the telegraph wire,
a stray dog limps across the sidewalk.
And that is the extent of nature in these parts.
Silence drills through me, birdsong flickers in the air,
overlaid by the constant drone of traffic and tinnitus.
Urgency fades into futility, and once again I find myself
on the verge of giving up before I have even begun.
If I could see myself sitting here –
a lazy perfectionist sinking into the unseizable day –
barely engaged in the pretense of activity,
I don’t know whether I’d laugh or cry…
or remain numb.

March 6, 2015

Realistic Remains

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Shakespeare, Proust, Kafka, Camus, Orwell, Gissing: What do each of these distinguished authors have in common? They all produced a lot of great work, but surely their most important unifying quality is that they were all younger than me when they died. I have outlived Keats by a quarter of a century: that’s a morbidly sobering thought. But let’s leave poets out of this. In the time it took Balzac to write 91 novels, covering every aspect of the human condition in its myriad complexity, I have produced two very slender volumes of poetry, addressing a rather more limited sphere of activity… or rather inactivity.

October 25, 2013

Every Day Above Ground

Fizzles

It takes a lot of work
to create the fleeting impression
that everything is all right.
No sooner have I told myself
that I can’t complain
than I plumb a deeper vein
of dissatisfaction.
The occasional hard-won flicker of hope
is hardly worth the effort.

September 28, 2013

That Time of Day

Termination

A destructive overawareness of time
knives through the hot empty spaces
of an afternoon. A sense of urgency vaporizing
into torpor. Even the traffic sounds tired.
Do something, I tell myself.
What?  The same thing I’ve been doing
every day for years on end
with varying degrees of failure.

August 11, 2013

Art and Eros

Love Taints Everything

Often, around the middle of a week day afternoon,
I find myself considering the connection
between sexual  and creative energy.
Torn by futile lusts, I seek refuge
from the vagueness of the day
and the promise of endeavor
in reliable memories and fantasies
that spill, reliably, into sleep.

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June 15, 2013

A Prelude of Sorts

Impotence_0002

For years I have tarried, secure
in the notion that all this luxuriating
in vicarious decay served some sort of purpose. Until
it became apparent that this extended arid preamble
had turned terminal, squashing any prospect
of  fecundity. Fading without ever having flourished:
a dream unwinding,  grinding
to a standstill.

May 29, 2013

Earth

In the latest issue of Gesture magazine:

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How dark and wide and wet it was:
pungent in the morning, with steam rising from it.
I held my nose over it, breathed in deeply
and gagged.

A hole, deeper than my love,
awaited you. A shallow hole,
nonetheless.

http://www.thegorillapress.com/gesture

May 25, 2013

Something

Mythic Lift_0001

I have spent my entire life 
preparing to do something 
that I am never going to do.  
I thought that accumulating 
all this learning and experience 
might result in something: a body of work…
or a body. While neglecting to take into account
that I might actually have to do something to achieve that end.

 
March 15, 2013

A Pitiful Bid for Validation

Eternity

I have spent my entire life
preparing to do something
that I am never going to do.
I thought that accumulating
all this learning and experience
might result in something: a body of work…
or a body. While neglecting to take into account
that I might have to do something to achieve that end.

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