Posts tagged ‘Futility’

October 25, 2013

Every Day Above Ground

Fizzles

It takes a lot of work
to create the fleeting impression
that everything is all right.
No sooner have I told myself
that I can’t complain
than I plumb a deeper vein
of dissatisfaction.
The occasional hard-won flicker of hope
is hardly worth the effort.

September 28, 2013

That Time of Day

Termination

A destructive overawareness of time
knives through the hot empty spaces
of an afternoon. A sense of urgency vaporizing
into torpor. Even the traffic sounds tired.
Do something, I tell myself.
What?  The same thing I’ve been doing
every day for years on end
with varying degrees of failure.

August 11, 2013

Art and Eros

Love Taints Everything

Often, around the middle of a week day afternoon,
I find myself considering the connection
between sexual  and creative energy.
Torn by futile lusts, I seek refuge
from the vagueness of the day
and the promise of endeavor
in reliable memories and fantasies
that spill, reliably, into sleep.

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June 15, 2013

A Prelude of Sorts

Impotence_0002

For years I have tarried, secure
in the notion that all this luxuriating
in vicarious decay served some sort of purpose. Until
it became apparent that this extended arid preamble
had turned terminal, squashing any prospect
of  fecundity. Fading without ever having flourished:
a dream unwinding,  grinding
to a standstill.

May 29, 2013

Earth

In the latest issue of Gesture magazine:

352691_1_m


How dark and wide and wet it was:
pungent in the morning, with steam rising from it.
I held my nose over it, breathed in deeply
and gagged.

A hole, deeper than my love,
awaited you. A shallow hole,
nonetheless.

http://www.thegorillapress.com/gesture

May 25, 2013

Something

Mythic Lift_0001

I have spent my entire life 
preparing to do something 
that I am never going to do.  
I thought that accumulating 
all this learning and experience 
might result in something: a body of work…
or a body. While neglecting to take into account
that I might actually have to do something to achieve that end.

 
March 15, 2013

A Pitiful Bid for Validation

Eternity

I have spent my entire life
preparing to do something
that I am never going to do.
I thought that accumulating
all this learning and experience
might result in something: a body of work…
or a body. While neglecting to take into account
that I might have to do something to achieve that end.

February 21, 2013

CV

I give up

I tried, to no avail, to rot.
I really gave it my best shot.
But vitality kept getting in the way, appearing
unexpectedly, when I was most hopeful
of abandoning hope.
But still I refuse to give up
on giving up. I remain optimistic
that I still have it in me.

February 4, 2013

A Shameless Display

010_7431 - Version 2010_7463 - Version 2

A selection of Victorian Choking Paintings will appear in a group show -
ATTRACTION The Science of Love.  The Gallery at 3517.
3517 W.Sunset Blvd, Silver Lake, CA 90026. Feb 8th – March 24th
Opening reception: February 8th 7-9pm

 

August 18, 2012

Kill Off Your Expectations, Settle In

Hour after hour, day after day, year after year, decade after decade, consumed by this precious illusion of service to the pen: priceless time that might have been used to benefit others, from which I might even have derived pleasure. And what have I received in return for this self-serving – if that – satisfaction of having actualized myself? Poverty and solitude have been the chief rewards. And what, actually, am I actualizing? Do I have anything to say that is worth saying at all or that hasn’t been said better before, that might justify this massive investment of time and energy, this insistence on keeping going, this unflagging commitment to a lost cause, as if it were a sacred act and not a sickness born of vanity?  What would happen if I didn’t do it? Nothing. Nobody would notice. It wouldn’t make any difference to anybody… other than myself. And I would probably be a lot better off without it. As a compensatory last resort there’s always the myth of posthumous glory. But to receive that one has to die first. How inconvenient. I must put that on my to-do list. It would completely validate the work, of course. The only problem is that I haven’t done the work. I must also put that on my to-do list.

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